Follow her on Twitter drpetra. In which case you may find therapy for you both or individually helps in working through what you both want from your relationship. If you or he feels resistant to these suggestions are you able to think why that might be? Email your sex and relationships queries to: He could also discover how good other things might feel and build his confidence that he can be sexual and desired by you with or without an erection. The Sexual Advice Association could also be a source of confidential support for you both.
In which case you may find therapy for you both or individually helps in working through what you both want from your relationship. Some couples also like to use such an opportunity to explore other ways of expressing affection. Alternatively he may be struggling with erection problems generally and the stockings are a distraction from this. There is no reason why sex always has to depend on a partner having an erection or penetrative sex, but if we see this as our only option it can explain why people with erection difficulties give up on everything else. Could it be you are in a habit of seeing sex in a particular script, or is it these activities are threatening because they are not about penetration? If he feels he is dependent on the stockings — and is distressed by this — his GP can refer him to a psychosexual therapist currently free on the NHS but with waiting lists in some areas. It may be that he has become fixated or dependent on the stockings and this bothers him and he wants to resolve this. If you or he feels resistant to these suggestions are you able to think why that might be? Can you also think about things that might give you both pleasure without him having an erection? Email your sex and relationships queries to: Start with a conversation and see this as an opportunity to explore pleasure in more creative ways. In that case his GP can see if he might benefit from medication and more importantly assess if there are any other underlying health issues contributing to his erection difficulties. Focusing on why these options might not appeal could help you work out where there may be barriers to exploring pleasure you could fix yourself, or if there are deeper issues about his focus on stockings for arousal that need addressing. This can also happen because they feel afraid, inadequate or embarrassed by their erection problems. That might include him holding you while you masturbate, or him touching you with his fingers, tongue or a sex toy. This may be because this kind of intimacy is pleasurable and important to both of you. He could also discover how good other things might feel and build his confidence that he can be sexual and desired by you with or without an erection. Opting to explore non-penetrative pleasure does not mean you have to give up on penetrative sex or will never be able to have penetrative sex again. It also gives you the chance to discover your partner may be turned on by something other than stockings, which might help him feel more confident that he can enjoy stockings as a choice rather than a necessity. Or you going down on him even if he is not hard or penetrating him with a sex toy if he might enjoy that. For example, that you enjoy massage, kissing, cuddles, stroking, talking about your desires together or sharing how you care for each other? The Sexual Advice Association could also be a source of confidential support for you both. Follow her on Twitter drpetra.
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