Are we aroused — and turned off — by similar things, on both physical and emotional levels? Gottman has also found that it is only when a relationship isn't going very well that partners perceive their partner's personality is to blame. It may matter when it comes to being sexually compatible with your partner, as Ellis suggested. Considering the extent to which sexual compatibility contributes to satisfaction in our relationships, it is somewhat surprising there isn't more research on the topic. Some argue that the perception of a situation is the reality of the situation, regardless of how it may seem to others. How often do we desire sex? Then we hear contradictory phrases like "opposites attract" telling us we need not be similar to our partner, but rather different for relational success. We hear phrases like "birds of a feather flock together" telling us we need to be compatible with a partner in order to be successful.
This focus on perception isn't new. This can arise in the early stages of a relationship as well as further down the road when attraction is at a lull and the initial spark seems to be dissipated. Perceived sexual compatibility is defined as the extent to which a couple perceives they share sexual beliefs, preferences, desires, and needs with their partner. Regardless of whether you like to engage in the same sexual behaviors as your partner, as long as you perceive that you are compatible, you'll be sexually and relationally satisfied. Then we hear contradictory phrases like "opposites attract" telling us we need not be similar to our partner, but rather different for relational success. We hear phrases like "birds of a feather flock together" telling us we need to be compatible with a partner in order to be successful. Perhaps it is only when the sexual side of a relationship isn't going very well that partners perceive they aren't sexually compatible with their partner in terms of their behavioral preferences. Perceiving sexual compatibility with a partner has been shown to be related to sexual satisfaction, such that the more sexually compatible you are, the more sexually satisfied you are. So if you meet someone new, and after discussing what you do and don't like in the bedroom you find some inconsistencies, don't cut and run too fast! Inconsistencies that may arise along the way are seldom any justification for giving up on a partnership. This is where communication and a commitment to moving forward can nurture growing compatibility even if we may have felt that it was lacking earlier. There will always be contrasts in some form or another. If the spark is there in your mind then this will provide an aphrodisiac potent enough to smooth over any relatively minor, in the scheme of things conflicts of temperament and preference. These are basic questions that can determine how two people in a sexual relationship may perceive their compatibility. And researchers have consistently found that sexual satisfaction is also significantly positively related to relationship satisfaction; when one increases or decreases , the other tends to follow. Compatibility encompasses many aspects of the overall chemistry within a partnership. How important is it to the relationship overall? Oftentimes, how compatible couples perceive themselves to be is a lot more important than the reality of how they may function together. Also, perception isn't just important in terms of sexual compatibility and its predictive ability of sexual satisfaction. If one of you always wants sex with the lights on but one of you always wants sex with the lights off, it may impact your compatibility and perhaps also your satisfaction. So what about compatibility of turn ons and turn offs? Are we aroused — and turned off — by similar things, on both physical and emotional levels? However, research that I've conducted with colleagues at University of Guelph found that perceived compatibility was a more important predictor of both sexual and relationship satisfaction than compatibility of turn ons and turn offs. In our daily lives together we have moments of harmony and moments of potentially creative discord. The majority of the research in this area has examined perceived sexual compatibility and it has been found to be related to sexual satisfaction as I mentioned above, but also communication, sexual desire, and sexual functioning, among others. Gottman has also found that it is only when a relationship isn't going very well that partners perceive their partner's personality is to blame.
Video about how important is sexual compatibility:
LoveEd: How Important is Compatibility?
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