It was something they struggled to find. Deeply moved by her predicament, I decided to write a novel on the subject. So it is that a growing number of British women, who discover their partner has been sleeping with prostitutes, are left feeling horribly isolated, with nowhere to turn. Contrary to popular belief, they come from all walks of life, from teenagers to pensioners. Some women attribute it to putting on weight or to a lack of adventurous spirit in bed, or see it simply as an antidote to marital boredom. Some paid for private counselling, where experiences varied wildly. In fact, that is a not uncommon reaction.
All the women I interviewed agreed that what had happened was far worse than their partner simply having an affair. So it is that a growing number of British women, who discover their partner has been sleeping with prostitutes, are left feeling horribly isolated, with nowhere to turn. Meet the forgotten victims of prostitution When it comes to 'victims' of the sex industry, there's one group of women who are rarely mentioned - the deeply shocked wives and girlfriends of men who pay for sex. Numerous academic studies and articles have explored the demographics of punters and sex workers, the horrors of trafficking, and the merits or otherwise of decriminalising prostitution. Deeply moved by her predicament, I decided to write a novel on the subject. It was something they struggled to find. Alamy By Vesna Main 9: One in 10 British men has admitted to paying for sex Anna, the protagonist of my novel, seeks therapy but bridles as the psychologist examines her childhood and her relationship with her mother. But almost no attention has been paid to the partners of men who visit prostitutes. Like many of the women I subsequently interviewed, Sarah had believed that hers was a happy relationship, with a healthy sex life. The women described feelings of shame and blamed themselves The initial trauma of the discovery is followed by disbelief and a need to make sense of what has happened. Understandably, such hollow declarations neither reassured the women, nor repaired their sense of shame, grief and rejection. Author Vesna Main spoke to some of them to find out about blame and obsession Forgotten victims: Perhaps more surprisingly, her husband — and most of the men I spoke to - agreed and even claimed feelings of undiminished love. The situation is different in the USA and Australia, where there are well-established support groups. To many, it has almost become socially acceptable. This is a reaction I encountered regularly. Some women attribute it to putting on weight or to a lack of adventurous spirit in bed, or see it simply as an antidote to marital boredom. Sex 'I want to hurt the women who took my husband'. Some paid for private counselling, where experiences varied wildly. But to have chosen to pay for sex - and with any woman at that - felt too much like an attack on me. What they all agree on is one thing: The women draw comparisons between themselves and the individual prostitutes, developing a hatred that easily progresses into self-disgust. In the days and months that followed, she developed a compulsive need to find out why her apparently devoted husband should have betrayed her for so long. I made him repeat it in case I had misheard.
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